i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
