Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
