I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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