Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
