Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
two words...techno handjob
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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