That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
