and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
