Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
