Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
