Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
