My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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