I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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