Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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