So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
