i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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