I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
