I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
