i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
