My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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