But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He passed out mid-signature
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
