We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
