My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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