I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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