R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
