Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
