my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
