sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
