Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
