You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
