Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
