I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
