Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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