but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
