I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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