i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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