didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
