I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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