When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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