i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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