o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
