he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
