I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
