I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
