the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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