me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
