This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
