If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
