so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
