It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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