Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
