How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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