Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
