Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
