Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
