I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
